est. 1987

Archive for July, 2010

Letter Dump.

It’s just like me to get behind on a project, I suppose. Mayhaps I haven’t been motivated, but get ready for a decent sized block of fail!text courtesy me.

Day 3 — Your parents:
Dear Mom,

You are the best mother I could ever ask for. I only wish that you understood how much I really worry about well, everything. I do care, and I hate it when you like to say that I don’t. Understand that the computer is how I stay in touch with people I cannot afford to drive to. I am a people person. I like to write. Unfortunately, I like text better than I like my own chicken-scratch handwriting.

Things have been hard for awhile. I think that you get a lot of difficult times you definitely don’t deserve it. Nor do you deserve having to help me out with medical bills that neither of us believe I should have. But you do it because you’re my mom. I’m sorry.

I hope things get better though. Eventually.
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

I’m the only child! I also come from a small family I just don’t talk to anymore, which is a shame. I enjoyed my cousins if anything, especially Mark. From what I heard from my uncle after he moved off he had problems with motivation or whatnot. And as I was apparently in the same position I always felt some sort of kindred spirit in how we were a disappointment to my dearest Uncle. I want to prove myself eventually capable, and I hope where ever Mark is he’s doing the same. He was a lovely guy who offered support during my grandpa’s funeral when nobody else was. Not that they could. Here’s to you, sir. You are truly amazing. I only wish I could find you to say hello again. I genuinely wish I knew what you were doing with your life.
Day 5 — Your dreams

You’re either good – really good, or bad, and I’m glad the bad only comes around from time to time. I wonder what it says about me if I’m bored with my own dreams though? Should I go to a couple’s therapy sort of thing for my BRAIN? Clearly we just aren’t in sync at the moment. Here’s to hoping you don’t get M. Night as a director, dreams!
Day 6 — A stranger

You know what? I like you as long as you don’t look at me and laugh when I don’t say a word. Oh, or when you’re in a car at the same time as I am and don’t make stupid moves such as forgetting to use your turn signals. Otherwise I don’t mind you. I like watching you, too, because you’re shiny. And you could be my friend, if I really cared. There are times I really regret not getting a name though to a happy conversation. How else am I going to stalk you on facebook? (Mmm, creeper entry!)
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/Ex-girlfriend

UGH. You suck. You take everything I say as bad, and quite frankly I’m tired of arguing with you every time we talk. We have our good days. We get over the petty arguments. But then I say something, you get angry, I get angry, and you throw out the now infamous “STOP ACTING LIKE YOU’RE A FUCKING SAINT!”. To which I always reply “I NEVER SAID I WAS!”

You see, once we reach that part of the now-fight we might as well just sign off on the messenger and cool off because nothing good can come of any words after this point. Nothing. After you utter those words it’s explosive and unhealthy.

I could probably write a novella with all of the shit you put me through. 🙂

Love, Me.

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

I don’t have a favorite internet friend at the moment. Okay, so maybe a friend that RPs as Prusse. She’s nice, but that’s just a new development. God, it makes me wish there were more males in that fandom, eh? I used to have more. I have had plenty of lovely internet friends and I still do, but I don’t have a favorite. Therefore, I can’t really write a letter, unless it goes as such:

Dear [insert name],

Keep being an amazing person. You are delightfully weird, wonderful, and unique. Let us make children. Thanks.

~Me.
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
To all of the many people I wish I could meet-

You have altered my life in some way or I believe would if we met. And if I want to meet you even though there’s the creepy internet chances you’re a 50 year old pervert… or if you’re dead (obvious issues there), you must be fun. Or fun enough. So fun in fact that I cannot express it through a very fatigued journal entry.

Until we meet!

PS: I’m tired. Very tired. Blame the kittens.

Day 2 — Your crush / significant other

Dear Hand (better known as Romano),

You’ve been by my side forever. You understand me. You make me a more productive, capable person, and without you I couldn’t do half of the things I do every day. How I got such a supportive …influence in my life, I don’t know.

Maybe I was born with it.

Until next time,

Pookie-Bear

(Don’t judge me with your judging eyes!)

Day 1 — Your oldest friend

Juan,

I don’t know if you’ll happen upon this blog or this entry, or even if I’ll give it to you to look at, but you’ve been in my life for almost as long as I’ve been alive. Since 6, right? There’s a lot I wish I could tell you but I think it’d dampen the mood.

I’m sorry that college pulled us apart like it did. For four years I was only back in Ft Wayne for a week or two at holidays. Being as Hanover is brilliant and all, our breaks didn’t line up. I was in school – you were at home. Rinse and repeat. I did get to see you and talk to you select times though and I miss those. Even if I’m not a party person. Even when I have a bunch of guys chanting over my boobs. That’ll always be a charming memory, even though it’s been forever since it happened.

I love and appreciate you. You are nothing short of amazing, even now. If you needed an emergency marriage I would do it. I have countless memories with you. We have been through a lot. I might be slow with being a good friend, but I hope you can give a bit of patience my way. We’re 23 now. We have awhile in all good faith to continue being incredibly wrong together.

And I mean that in every good, positive, amazing way possible. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if you are a tramp. A very large tramp.

Love,

Jackie

A Project

One of my friends started up a minor meme-type thing where you write letters. To people in certain categories and whatnot. I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish the project myself (either, it seems since she has her doubts on her finishing), but it’s something to do, correct? I really can’t say I’m going to do it everyday, but since I lack a job I should be able to. How annoying.  Below is the list:

Day 1 — Your oldest friend
Day 2 — Your crush / significant other
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/Ex-girlfriend
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind — good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of time
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Silly.

I used to be a witty writer. I could babble about cheese and it’d make sense. Not only would it make sense it’d be amusing. Cheese. I shit you not. I’d ramble at the drop of a hat and wouldn’t need to proofread anything. Either I am truly becoming boring – which people say I’m not (Oh no, you’re charming. You’re lovely. Oh do go on!) – or Hanover has knocked out my ability to just write for the sake of writing, without a grade attached. Taking out all of the fluidity of my thoughts until I can’t write a paragraph without going back, rewording it, deleting it completely, and doing it all over again on a similar basis as the original. And am I happy with the final result? Nope.

I write for fun with other people. RP. Yeah, it’s geeky, and it’s glorious. And I have characters with over 20 years of history. I used to be able to RP at any time. Now I have no motivation to. It’s not like I’m bored with the characters, because I’m not. They’re my brain’s love children. Every good quality (and bad if so be needed) is there. Fun story. But when it comes down to writing out things it takes a lifetime.

And then my friends get very frustrated because their little fix isn’t being sufficiently met.

See the problem there?

Damn you Hanover. I wish I could go back, but I wish I could write for myself, too. Tragic, I tell you.

PS: Kittens have fleas. They’re getting the dunk tomorrow morning. Not looking forward to soaping them up (which is probably why Amy is stepping in so kindly because I’m a chicken).

Getting by.

Beyond getting in major arguments with exes and being unemployed, not much changes in my life. I could use some change.

I’m tired of sitting here. I might not be the most go-get-em-let’s-go! types of people, and I know I’m too laid back for my own good, but I can’t stand sitting around. I would like a job if only to give me something to do and different people to see.

And pray that I don’t hate them.

Oh, and upon stumbling, because I use my StumbleUpon way too much, I found a website called futureme.org. You can write yourself a letter that will be emailed to you however long in the future you want. I entertained myself with that for a bit, then my ex insisted I do one for them.

Do you really want that? Idiot. So I did. 2015 is the due year. 😉 Ha, take that. I set my own email for 2015 as well. Maybe by then I’ll have SOME things sorted out and won’t be the mess I am now.

But I wear it well. 🙂

Mugshot.

Oh dear… Do I have to renew my driver’s license this year? Not to mention my tags expire on my birthday as well. Thank you, BMV. Happy birthday to me, too. Anywho, another exciting opportunity for a mugshot to be taken without me getting arrested is fast approaching. In an attempt to be on top of things mom is dragging me out to slaughter tomorrow.

I heard we’re not allowed to smile in pictures anymore. I thought my current picture was awkward enough with the bad hair. I remember how Drawing I went when we did those portraits, okay? It was horrific and I looked 2 seconds away from donning a wife beater stained in beer and other things (we’ll say pizza sauce) on an episode of COPS. Unsmiling is NOT an option for me. Maybe I should look smarmy as well while I’m at it just to continue with the effect.

One would think my attitude is the only thing keeping me from being truly successful. I think one needs to appreciate sarcasm more.